Red Absinth

If you're buying this, you don't care about appearance, you aren't planning on louching it, you don't care about the flavor, and you certainly could care less about finish.

You plan to quaff it by the flaming shot.

If you've already bought it, you have either been duped into buying it, or you're an idiot.

If you were gifted the bottle by your overzealous and yet well-meaning friend who just came back from the Czech Republic, re-examine your friendship.

If you're reading this review, good for you, as you just might be able to get out of this situation without making a huge mistake. Now put the bottle back on the shelf and run out of the store as fast as you possibly can. If you're trying to buy it online, lose the web address and run a virus check ASAP.